2017: A Year of Losses and Gains

BACKGROUND: “In the solitude of my room, as the noise of fireworks and ‘torotots’ (NY horns) enveloped me, I was ready to plunge into the silence within….” This was how I intended to start my annual, analytical post for each year last night but I was just too tired and weak. You see, I have a sore throat with cough and colds, the outcome of sleep deprivation, voice straining and too much holiday sweets. Starting the year this way sucks as hell especially when I didn’t  taste the delicious bounty of our New year’s eve dinner. Anyway, this couldn’t stop me from looking back to how 2017 went for me. Let me briefly share with you my experience, dear reader.

From the title, I guess you’re assuming it was a year flooded with tears and regrets. Sadly, it was! You see, I’ve suffered a terrible spiritual decline throughout the past year. One that contributed to many preventable pitfalls, one that was itself very preventable. With my busy schedule, I failed to spend quality time with God unlike before but I afforded time for worldly/sinful plesasures and vain amusements. The very things I told myself I could never do I did (twas a huge slap to my prideful ego; just typing this out is hard for me) but I’ve learned to let go as I always need to. And it was all made possible by God’s grace- so amazing and wonderful!

Though I failed the Lord from time to time this 2017, He always picked me up and lavished His love on me. This was reflected in the many undeserved blessings I received this year. It would take time to enumerate them all but the ones I’m really grateful for include forgiveness, protection, sustenance, family and friends. Let me not forget the lessons and insights that I acquired the hard way, some of which I willingly shared here in previous write ups.

But 2017 was not all about defeats and bruises. I found myself able to fully forgive a friend who wronged me and now we’re in the same group of wedding singers. I discovered a lot about myself and also realised what was needed to be done in order for me to become better (no doubt that always includes divine intervention!). I’m still in the process of recovery at the moment but the only way now is up, forward. To add, I also opened up myself to a few people, formed friendships and closed unhealthy ones. Or decided to close such.

With what I went through, from the ups and downs,  the achievements and failures, everything in between, I was never the same. I accepted that fact. I may have become better but I felt that my decline was more superior. But I couldn’t accept to stay like this for long , for another year. Hence, I surrendered my 2017 to the One Who never let go, the One Who always stood by me, the One who unlike me never changes! And boy, does it feel so good!

What was your 2017 like? If you have a similar story to mine, then lay it at the cross, surrender it to Jesus. Do this that we may enter into 2018 in newness of life!

Happy New Year!

P.S. Here’s a beautiful, moving song to complement my post. Be blessed!

 

Colombiazoned

The track is available at: https://soundcloud.com/kylehabaradas/colombiazoned

BACKGROUND: Last 2015, when my country’s candidate Pia Wurtzbach won as Miss Universe, I was one of the happiest people on earth. Knowing her story, how she persevered to reach her goals and dreams made her victory so sweet. But with such a controversial turn of the crown, as you may recall, her reign hasn’t been the smoothest with all the hate comments and negative vibes from certain people. But she handled them all with grace and poise, as any Miss Universe winner would.

My fellow Filipinos, always seeing the humor in any situation, coined the term ‘Colombiazoned’ referring to what happened that unforgettable night. It refers to how you end up expecting something so badly but in vain. And there was a craze of using that word in statuses or ‘hugot’ posts. After some time, I had the inspiration to compose something for a national songwriting competition the next year. And before I knew it, with hard work and creativity sustained by God’s help, Colombiazoned was born! (I never made it to the contest proper though but hey, at least I tried!)

I know some of you dear readers may not understand the context of this song. (Even the lyrics to my non-Filipino audience poses a challenge!) Or it may be just the quality  of my record. (Forgive me for I don’t have a recording studio. Can you give me one? *Laughs) But whether you can relate or not, I hope you get the meat of my composition and never end up being Colombiazoned or worse, ending up like Steve Harvey!

Hindi ko akalain

Na ikaw ang naging salarin

Ng paghulog ng aking puso

Pag-ibig nga ba to?

Iyong napatunayan

Ika’y higit pa sa kaibigan

Para ako lang yung nanalo

Ng Miss Universe na titulo

Ngunit ako’y pinagpalit

Yung feeling na ika’y pinaasa

Ang sakit

Ako’y pinagkait

Sa pag-ibig na maling akala

(Bakit ako naniwala?)

Chorus:

Steve Harvey ng buhay ko

Bakit mo na kayang gawin ito?

Randam ko na ako na talaga

Pero hindi pala, hindi pala

Kawawa naman ako

Ganito pala kapag Colombiazoned

Nasa akin na yung korona

Bakit hindi na lang ako ang Pia

Ng buhay mo

 

Mahirap makamove-on

Kapag hapdi’t kirot ang baon

Naging marupok ang puso

Sana hindi imaging bato

Pero babangon ako

Hinding hindi na ulit aasa

Totoo kahit papano

Walang makakatigil sa pagkanta

(Mga Colombiazoned, sama sama!)

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:

Mabuti pa ang weather may PAG-ASA

O ang pag-utang may Pag-ibig

Ang damit nga may Forever

Eh tayo? Paano ako?!

Repeat Chorus

 

P.S. If you feel like singing the song and know it by heart, then sing along!

Note to ‘My 22 Year Old Self Going 23’

Wounded and scarred but not for life… Photo taken by: Shannen Cruz

 

BACKSTORY: Hey guys! It’s been a while, I know, since my last post. I’ve been so busy ever since second year of med school started. And finding time to write on my blog just doesn’t fit to my priorities recently. But since tomorrow is my 23rd birthday, I’m taking the time to really put out my feelings especially that the past year has been meaningful and challenging, unforgettable in ways I could not express. Such release will be expressed in a letter to myself, highlighting some (or maybe all) my hard earned and valuable insights or lessons throughout my 22nd year of existence….

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Dear Kyle,

How are you? Happy birthday, by the way… Well, happy seems to be an understatement because it’s not happiness that you feel. It must be joy. It is joy. Relentless joy that is merely the outcome of a life filled with blessings from above. God has been so gracious to you in ways that only you know, in ways that you don’t even deserve. But then again, God is love, God is good, as you’ve experienced time and time again.

The past year has seen you gain a lot of new experiences and new friends worth remembering and keeping. You have learned to overcome your fears and get to do things for the first time like that zip line experience in Palawan or that board exam reviewer task you took . You learned a lot of fascinating things especially in med school. From neuroanatomy to ECG to the Cattell maneuver and recently to pemphigus vulgaris and all those mind-blowing skin conditions. (Wow, med school can really kill you…)

You’ve grown, Kyle; but human as you are, you also had your moments of decline- physical, mental and spiritual. You suffered many bouts of preventable sickness which in turn affected your studies; your academic performance has not been exemplary as before (but that’s okay, don’t push yourself too hard!) and worst of all, you succumbed to the darkness inside you, to the very things that separate you from God. But thank heavens, God is mighty to save! In your greatest weakness, at your lowest points, throughout your pains and sorrows, you learned to survive as you learned to depend on His amazing grace! Out of such events which have left you scarred and jaded, you have come out victorious! And unto victory to victory you shall achieve!

Yes, you have been careless – in a lot of things, with a lot of things, tangible or not. And it is only at the end, when you cannot do anything, that you consider their value. You have been too naïve and look at how some people seem to have manipulated you or used you for their advantage. Well, hasn’t it been like this for a long time already? I forgive you for being like that. Maybe it was high time for you to realize this after all before it could be too late, before you end up being the masochist. All these when a close friend of yours would all of a sudden, distance himself from you? And you gave him space, time to sort things out for himself. But when you tried to reach out in ways that only felt possible, you don’t get any response but just pure, cold treatment. Or is silence worse?  Then you question yourself: “Did I do anything wrong to deserve this? Am I or was I guilty of something unknown to myself which caused this dilemma?” As far as you know, your conscience is clear. And it brings comfort. May it’s better for you when some things are left unspoken or unknown. Yes, comfort yourself with these words and move on! Remember that it’s never your loss. You did what you had to do. You deserve a better life minus the unnecessary confusion and drama. Maybe it’s safe to say you have better friends, the onesyou need to focus on.

Despite your carelessness, Kyle, you can still do something about it. Despite your mistakes and failures, you can always rise up and never do them again. You can become better. You can still choose to look at the bright side of recent trials and past tests. You can still live your life to the fullest!

That’s why you’re blessed to have this fresh start as you leave the portals of 22 and become a year older! With God, altogether with your family and your ‘real’ friends, you are able. You are not alone. You are loved.

Lovingly yours,

Yours truly

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P.S. Sorry I had to vent some things out! Writing is sometimes the only outlet I have in order for me to ease the burden…. Your prayers for my personal concerns would be appreciated….

 

 

You Raise Me Up

 

I’m going to sing the very popular song of Josh Groban, the title of which is the same as this entry this Wednesday. Not only once but twice. And in public… Somebody pinch me! I never thought that I’d get to sing this long loved ballad for real. I only sing it at the shower or in my room, you know. Being a fan of the named artist, I am quite excited to do this but I cannot escape the nervousness because it is such an emotional song, familiar to lots of people. I hope and pray that my performance on  the 27th would be a success! However, I am not dwelling on how I feel for my upcoming rendition. I would like to share, briefly, how this song, seems so timely during this challenging time in my life.

As of the moment, my uncle is in the ICU in such a critical condition and it makes me feel like it’s God sustaining Him all along with the medical apparatuses. Please pray for him; I’d greatly appreciate it. Adding to my concern is the fact that our pharmacological study is still under rocks and it never runs out of presenting us with new problems or difficulties. They said research was fun but so far, it has never been that way, somehow. With limited time and resources, I am trying to be positive that we can start promptly. But it looks like this won’t be the case for us. I am keeping my finger crossed! On top of all these, I am still dealing with some personal struggles that present a daily  burden upon me. It seems to me that the brunt of all these is upon my shoulders.

But God constantly reminds me, especially through ‘You Raise Me Up’, that I am strong when I lean on His shoulders; that He can raise me up as I deal with these present challenges and difficulties. And the weight feels like it is lifted off when you get to express your emotions. How much more when you have surrendered everything to Him?

I don’t think it was a coincidence that ‘You Raise Me Up’ ended up to be my song opportunely! This is undoubtedly a gracious provision of the good Lord!

The Meaningful Comeback of Mr. Parody

 

Hey guys! After some time of not being able to make a Youtube parody, I finally came back with one and I posted it last Thursday, December 4. Thank God my creative juices were working and so i ended up with a parody for one of the biggest songs of this year- Sia’s Chandelier. I had so much fun composing it and even in having the video filmed despite the numerous takes. Haha.. I literally got my vocal cords working and they were strained… Well, I can’t blame the perfectionist in me… 🙂

Anyway, besides the enjoyment, this whole process was meaningful because the parody was my anthem for the upcoming board exam in Medical Technology which I will be taking next year. So it was like a track tailored for yours truly so that I can have the musical motivation in preparing for this very important test. But not only for me. I intended it to  be also an inspiration for anyone to strive hard for his/her dreams and goals.

Well, there you have it. I really wanna share this parody and it is entitled, Persevere! Please watch it despite the low quality of the video but rest assured, the lyrics are awesome!  Enjoy and thank you… 🙂

P.S. If you love medical stuff and music, please subscribe to my channel. Or you may just like or comment. It surely means a lot!