Slow Me Down

Two weeks ago, I came across an interesting blog post and after reading it, I felt like I was hit by a ten-wheeler truck. It was not fate or coincidence that such a timely message was imposed upon me. I believe it was God’s will somehow that I ended up reading it and having learned something valuable. Let me share that with you, dear reader.

I shall conceal the identity of the writer (who I know virtually and not personally) since this person was the subject of a recent entry I posted in my blog. Well, that was not the first time I wrote something about or related to him. Anyway, his thoughts were profound and accurate; very factual of the reality how this world runs. Though there were things which I did not agree with, he wrote the truth and one part of it that gave me a big slap is this fact: Many people pride themselves in being busy, showing how invested they are in gaining success and forgetting about the simple things in life that matter. He really got it right with his observations because I am a witness as well. However, sadly, I am a suspect, part of the people who belong to this category.

And the truth is hard to swallow, you know. But coming to think of it, I was and still am that type of person who considers busy, stressed, tired, you name the adjective, innate to my being. It seems like I was hardwired this way or something. Don’t get me wrong. Human as I am, I have my limits and weaknesses. But what I am referring to is I don’t want any room for idleness in my life. I want to be so productive and to feel fulfilled that sometimes I forget to take a rest, to give myself a break. I have this tendency of feeling guilty if I squandered my precious time on something not so healthy or beneficial for me. Or regretful of many lost opportunities which exist because of poor decision making skills. (Maybe I lost more by living this way?) I guess it is the desire for success that caused me to be so concerned of always doing something and wanting to do so. It stirred me to be always on the go. This and probably other factors (such as the environment I am in) have made me the person that I am today and it may have lead to some good results. But going back to the harsh actuality, I know I have gone over the hedge.

So here is acceptance speech/message to myself: I have lived a fast-paced life for most of the time and it has to change. Being busy is important especially when it comes to achieving your goals and ambitions in life. But if it dislodges you from enjoying any moment and celebrating the simple things around you, from basking in the gift of life, it is a must to consider its rhythm before you end up in the hospital or worse, your death bed. That’s why, Kyle… Slow down!

From ‘What Ifs’ to ‘Whatevs’

(Whew… I think I needed a simple sigh before sharing my thoughts on some very personal stuff. Well, I am teeming with regret like a coral reef with all the colorful fishes around me. And I don’t like this feeling to hold on; especially now that medschool starts in a month. So I pretty much would like to let it all out so that one of the greatest regrets would lose its toll on me and I can finally move on with my life. This is my way of letting go and to any person/institution referred in the next paragraphs; this is my way of reaching you because I can’t afford to be mum. But hakuna matata, I’m scrupulous enough not to reveal any identity.)

What if I did not expect too much and just looked for another? You may think I’m talking about a person here but na-uh. You see, the first regret I’m sharing is one of the biggest in my life. It is the fact that I never got to work in a laboratory full time, either as a fresh graduate or a professional. I’m a goal-oriented person and after graduation last year, I had all these plans of what to do with my life. Since I could not take the September board exams because some fell on a Sabbath, I planned to work as a phlebotomist so that I could save some money while simultaneously reviewing for both the boards and the NMAT. It really seemed like the perfect plan at that time. I was so excited to put it into action. I thought about the benefits and the satisfaction of being productive and helpful to my parents.

After our in-house review, I applied for a phlebotomist position at a hospital where I also had my internship before graduation. It was my dream place to work as a health worker where I could put into practice the knowledge and skills that I acquired from school. I had high hopes of being hired with all the positive notions from the staff of the laboratory. I really expected that I could get in ‘cause I also knew some people who were not registered but were able to work as phlebotomists. Sadly, to my dismay, I was not. It was very disappointing but I accepted it as God’s will. I tried to look for other job openings but in vain. How I wish I accepted a job offer from a friend before applying at that institution because the latter was laid on false hopes for me. And what makes it worse is that a year after all these employment blues (which dissipated in time for I came to accept that it was truly God’s will for me not to work yet), I came to realize some things that brought them back. And all I can say is “Life is certainly unfair”. The human resources may have had their reasons but I could not help but see the discrepancies. And it completely left me upset; it opened my eyes to the harsh truth that sometimes only those with connections can enter. But then again, God had a purpose why I did not end up there. He knows what’s best and I will continue to trust Him. It is just heartbreaking that a year is near to pass and only once was I able to work in a laboratory for compensation. On a good note, at least I got to experience what it feels like to do so than having none at all.. I may not have h

It may be hard to forget this ordeal I went through but having learned some lessons along the way, I will set my eyes on the future and avoid the same mistakes. It’s true: I never got to work either as a phlebotomist or as a RMT in a laboratory for a certain period of time. But I was able to do a lot of stuff which I normally can’t do during medschool like watch TV and rest. I was unable to help my parents financially and save for the future. But I helped a lot in the household chores that I somehow became the ‘atsoy’ of the house. I did not achieve this goal or fulfill this well desired dream.  But I was able to achieve others like having a concert for my 21^st birthday and passing both the medical technology board exams and NMAT.

As I already mentioned, God had and still has a purpose for me. This does not mean the end of the world so I will just keep on going! It may sound cliché but everything does happen for a reason. And even though I may not see the reason right now, someday soon I shall. Here’s to that and also for saying goodbye to all these “what ifs” and saying hello to “whatevs”!