The Inquisition

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I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just the holiday blues but I sort of felt burdened/weary recently… Well, human as I am, I am always prone to fluctuations in my mood or emotions. Who on earth is not? There is no immunity no matter how much I consider myself to be a proton. To express myself subtly, here are random questions (some petty, some serious) I’m faced with at the moment and maybe you, dear reader have an answer or two…

Why is it that when you want to achieve something out of good purpose (you’re actually doing someone a favor with your willingness to help) , you end up with ‘antagonism’? But the person who asks something that is not needed at all from that same someone, is met with, ironically, a positive response?

How is it that some people cannot afford to say even just a simple “thank you” especially when it is somehow desirably expected?

 Why do good people still lose friends? 

Why is it that some people are so perplexed and hard to grasp? You are willing to help but why do they still choose to make things more complicated?

How do you get your doctor parents to listen to you? Because seriously, you’re very concerned with their health but they’re like worse than kids so how do you stay patient with such patients?

What should I really feel when people think I’m a high school student? Should I be happy because I still look young or should I feel bad because there might be something wrong with my endocrine system? 

How long will it take for me to get this right? When will the cycle ever stop? 

Why did I allow myself to become like this? I know some things will never be, should never be but why do I feel so inclined to feel such emotions for or to these people?

Why is it that people always seem to see the good in me and put me on a pedestal? Not that it’s a bad thing but how I wish they knew so they could see that I’m also struggling or maybe worse than they could be/are?

Do I have what it takes to become the doctor I intend to be and what God plans me to be?

Will I ever find the girl of my dreams? Or is she already there and I just have to open my eyes?

Will I be ready for the second Advent? (I hope and pray so. I had to answer something for this one. After all, the eternal prize is my most important goal in life.)

(Breathes deeply.)

I think I feel much better now, to the point that I can light up a cigarette. (Joke intended!)

 

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LIFE IN THE ‘MISSING’

ImageFor my first blog post, I have to write some of the things I really miss so far. Being a fourth year college student, life has been busier and more tiring. Through this journey which is near its end, you can’t help but miss some things which you haven’t done in a while or miss someone which you haven’t seen for a long time. Well, my first entry would tell you why I chose to write such.

I miss WRITING. Yes! Poems, essays, songs, you name it. The feel of the pen on your hand. The random thoughts which seem to be stuck to your head like glue, wanting to be expressed. The essence of matchless joy in your heart after perfecting your masterpiece and honing your art. I miss them all! And I just want you to know, dear reader, that I’m pretty glad to be writing this. Thank God for this special friend who rekindled my passion to write. Being a writer himself, he serves as an inspiration.

I miss EATING DONUTS. Especially the glazed creations of Krispy Kreme and the prized delights of JCO. Oh! I can’t wait for the time to come when I shall relish these desserts in complete decadence, again.

I miss TRAVELING. I miss hearing that ascending then descending sound after the operator announces that the plane is already boarding. I miss the feeling when somehow your adrenaline rushes up as the airplane starts to soar higher into the azure skies. I miss speaking in vernacular wanting to show the people around me that I’m not from their place. I miss seeing new places and making new memories. I’m still looking forward to that day when my family and I would have the opportunity to travel abroad.

I miss PLAYING. Playing in the rain with my siblings without any care that we might get sick. Playing Snakes and Ladders and rolling the dice. Playing soccer with my dad even though it’s just the two of us. Playing badminton and being hit by the shuttlecock most of the time. Playing as a Pokemon with my childhood best friend. Ah, the childhood years have long passed. I miss terribly those blithe memories.

I miss GARDENING. The soil getting in your nails. The mosquito/ant bites (Am I insane?). But most of all, the contentment filling your heart when you see that what your hands have touched turn into beauties.

I miss my CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND, Brian Patrick Tagalog. He’s a thousand miles away and the last time we saw each other was 2004. It’s going to be almost 14 years without him. I really want to see him, someday. It’d be okay if I would see him in heaven after Jesus’ second coming. But as for now, all the moments we share- the Pokemon battles, the arguments, etc. would be treasured in my heart.

I miss my PIANO TEACHER, Ma’am Ernelia Gomez. I stopped having lessons since being a senior entails more focus on my academics. Plus, I’d be an intern by the next semester so things would be tough when I’m still having them. But I know my skills in piano won’t get stunted at all since I continue to play at church. It feels great using your talent for God’s glory.

I miss my ‘bro’ and my ‘bes’. For things to remain seemly, their identities would be unknown. I miss the 3-container full of delicious food. I miss watching the sunset and being in the PJPII tower. I miss them, simply. Nothing more, nothing less.  These people,  despite all the downs I had with them, will always be considered special in my life. “We are HUNKS” so we gotta stay strong. “Like an OREO” we shall stick together through thick and thin. I definitely can’t wait to be with them, again. But even more, what I want is for them to be in heaven where our friendship is to be spent in eternity. That would just be wonderful!

So far, that’s all I could think of. I know there’s more but I think what I’ve just written are the ones significant enough to find a spot in my first blog post. All these things and people: I truly miss them. God knows. And I know that despite all these feelings, one thing’s for sure, life goes on.