The Inquisition

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I don’t know if it’s the hormones or just the holiday blues but I sort of felt burdened/weary recently… Well, human as I am, I am always prone to fluctuations in my mood or emotions. Who on earth is not? There is no immunity no matter how much I consider myself to be a proton. To express myself subtly, here are random questions (some petty, some serious) I’m faced with at the moment and maybe you, dear reader have an answer or two…

Why is it that when you want to achieve something out of good purpose (you’re actually doing someone a favor with your willingness to help) , you end up with ‘antagonism’? But the person who asks something that is not needed at all from that same someone, is met with, ironically, a positive response?

How is it that some people cannot afford to say even just a simple “thank you” especially when it is somehow desirably expected?

 Why do good people still lose friends? 

Why is it that some people are so perplexed and hard to grasp? You are willing to help but why do they still choose to make things more complicated?

How do you get your doctor parents to listen to you? Because seriously, you’re very concerned with their health but they’re like worse than kids so how do you stay patient with such patients?

What should I really feel when people think I’m a high school student? Should I be happy because I still look young or should I feel bad because there might be something wrong with my endocrine system? 

How long will it take for me to get this right? When will the cycle ever stop? 

Why did I allow myself to become like this? I know some things will never be, should never be but why do I feel so inclined to feel such emotions for or to these people?

Why is it that people always seem to see the good in me and put me on a pedestal? Not that it’s a bad thing but how I wish they knew so they could see that I’m also struggling or maybe worse than they could be/are?

Do I have what it takes to become the doctor I intend to be and what God plans me to be?

Will I ever find the girl of my dreams? Or is she already there and I just have to open my eyes?

Will I be ready for the second Advent? (I hope and pray so. I had to answer something for this one. After all, the eternal prize is my most important goal in life.)

(Breathes deeply.)

I think I feel much better now, to the point that I can light up a cigarette. (Joke intended!)

 

Finding Joy in Medicine

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Isn’t it great that the one who shot this is the actress who played a significant character in the movie? Credits to Jade Marie

 

While watching the short film entry of our batch ADeoS entitled Joy in Medicine this afternoon, I was having ‘goosies’ all over me. The emotional masterpiece has appealed to my soul and no matter how I may try to prevent the surge, it has brought back certain emotions attached to hurtful or unwanted memories in my not-so-distant past. Trying to find composure within myself through prayer as I was on my way home, I was so moved by the film that I had the prompting to write what I felt because of it. And it was so funny and weird at the same time when I reached the shed going to the main gate of the campus ’cause the song playing was Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood. When I was near the gate, that’s when the song ended and for the duration of seconds I listened to it, my walk was all the more emotional. (Yes, this speaks volumes.)

(Sighs…) I’ve come to realize that medicine is not only an academic challenge because it affects other aspects of your life- physical, mental, social, emotional and sometimes sad to say, spiritual. But I guess what’s important is that you learn to adjust and accept things for what they really are, believe in yourself and in the people who are worthy of trust and learn to commit everything to God in faith. (That first small group session we had before the screening really helps to set things into the right prospective now.) Unlike one character in the film who clearly lost all hope to live, I choose to see and focus on the bright side of a medical student’s life. (So help me God!)

Through the inevitable that is to come, here’s to finding joy in medicine!

 

Gloomy Thursday Expressions

After a month and a few days of not being able to write/post something here, thank God I’m officially back! Well, I’ve been busy recently preparing for the NMAT (National Medical Admission Test), an exam taken by people planning to enter medicine in the Philippines. It was really important for me to have a high rating so that I can end up in a good medical school. Anyway, this is not the focus of my post. I just wanna share some thoughts about random stuff that happened today.

Well, unexpectedly, I woke up this morning to an unusual sight of dark clouds and the gentle sound of the rain. The mayas were not chirping and the tendency to just stick to my bed was present. I managed to get up, knelt and prayed before starting my day. It was going to be an extraordinary day because it was the 27th and days with 7 are always meaningful to me because 7 is my fave number. It was despite the typhoon which I learned was in the country through a text message.

It was quite disappointing that I woke up late and although I didn’t feel this way at that moment, acknowledging this now makes me want to break the cycle. Hopefully, by God’s grace, I’ll go back to a life with this principle: “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, happy and wise.”

Despite waking up late, I still was able to achieve a lot. Rainy weather can really make you timid at times.I was able to do the errand mom left me last night. After that, I had my devotional time with the Lord- which is always time well spent. In the afternoon,  I finally finished the video I was making for mom’s birthday. Thank God for helping me!

However, after checking the video out, I saw another one (this was made for a friend’s birthday) which I watched and boom clap, hello nostalgia! This feeling was aggravated when I read our past FB conversations and was coupled with sadness because of our present state and joy after reminiscing the memories associated with those words. Wow… It’s really hard to absorb the truth of how time flies and the reality of that is made clearer when you know that things between you have become different over this year. And I just have to comfort myself with this cliche statement: “Everything happens for a reason” so that I could move on with my life.

It is actually complementary to feel nostalgic on cold, rainy days like these. And how much more gloom? Yet I know that like the fleeting sound of crickets serenading my ears right now, these feelings on this gloomy Thursday won’t last long.