(I’m not the type of person who shares much of himself publicly like through a blog. And especially if it concerns some things that are very personal, for me they are not probable subjects to write about. However, this post would be an exception [Please read this again with Paramore’s Only Exception playing in the background…] and that’s because there are some things you can’t help but share in order to lighten the burden of having them. Anyway, this won’t be in the most specific of details so that’s a sign of me playing it safe. )
Have you ever experienced being so enthusiastic about someone that you can’t wait to see that person again and bond with him/her? You felt as if this person, despite the great odds and risks you both faced, still deserved the privilege of being your friend. And somehow you believed that the feeling was mutual. You were proved right when he/she expressed the same sentiment. And that hearty moment made you long for the time to come when your “friendship will finally take its rightful place in this world.”
At the start, everything seemed amazing and somehow surreal. I was fueled with matchless optimism that we would stick together like an Oreo and the relationship would become better. We were friends, more of the virtual kind but it didn’t matter as long as there was interaction. And with the luxury of time, going beyond Facebook was pretty much desired. However, to my dismay, this was not realized. Yet having a connection was better than none at all. This virtual friendship could suffice.
Have you ever felt abandoned, confused and a bit denied when through the only media you get to communicate, you did not get a reply? Or this one’s worse: you received a reply but it was one you did not expect or want. Then you start to wonder why? Or how can he/she do this? It leaves you hungry for answers which he/she can only give. And in my case, it left me hanging on to our friendship. But was it really one? Because what I know is that a friend does not dodge a friend’s words. After the long term of silence from this person and compounded by the absence, I started becoming dubious of our relationship. “Have I really been his/her friend? Did I do something wrong? How can he/she do this to me?” He/she may have reasons but how I wished these were revealed. It was truly a heartbreaking realization that hit me hard to see that some people can evaporate and leave you hanging on. No explanations, no reasons, just the harsh reality of silence between us like we never knew each other in the first place.
But thank God the circumstances did not dampen me to the core. Yes, I was hurt, sad, disappointed, you name all those negative adjectives. Yet the pain of losing a friend did not mean the end of the world. There are still billions of people out there and I still have my family so why be stricken with all these? Foolish of me though ‘cause that person was special, different, a diamond in the rough. All these could have made me mad or something turning me into a Captain Hook, yearning for vengeance on Rumpelstiltskin in Once Upon a Time. But I could not afford to live such a life. Bad blood does not belong to me. I think it just clicks with Taylor Swift.
Well, as time passed by, I was able to let go and move on with my life, ready to put an end to the chapter this person played in it. It was really remarkable that I got to accept all the overwhelming things that happened and still live without being affected much though at times, this person did cross my mind. And just when I am about to close the door (which was hard to do ‘cause we did share some nice moments together but was inevitably necessary), lo and behold, there was a poke. A poke which could mean many things. A poke which really made me more confused than before (I mean “Why now? Do you ever know who this makes me feel?”). A poke which irked me out ‘cause after all those times I was avoided or neglected, it’s so ironic to be responded to now. A poke, bittersweet as it is, which made me smile because it means this person misses me and remembers me still.