*I was about to post this entry but then unfortunately, the WiFi connection got lost. So here’s my late/delayed serving!! 🙂
So here I am, all alone at home almost every weekday and it’s been like this for some months already. I’ve gotten pretty used to it somehow and I now consider myself a professional home buddy. (Insert mediocre self-laugh here.) Too much solitude can break my sanity so I’d better continue typing.
Anyway, besides these trivial feelings, I think my existence has become so monotonous, so mundane that I no longer don’t know what my purpose in life is. Don’t think me as one who never prays or goes to church. Trust me, I try to spend time with God everyday by reading and meditating on His Word. I prefer mornings to do so before the busyness sets in. I think it’s both the definitions of mundane that actually describe my life. Either way, the fact is I’m not living the way God wants me to live.
I am in this shifting state where I would feel energetic to do something and then I feel timid or tired for some reason. I believe this is the result of bad decisions in the past of which the consequences I’m still suffering. It is really like a large-scale situation that involves a lot of my life’s aspects and I want to change things but at times, the complacency and weakness innate to human nature intervene. This miserably humdrum existence must cease but it is a sad reality that I’ve grown used to it. In one way or another, I need to break free and I can only do so, by the grace of God.
So here’s a reality check for myself: I have my problems and weaknesses to solve and overcome but I should not let them take away the joy and purpose of life because life is truly a blessing. I have a few weeks left with my family before I leave for Manila (I will be taking my review there for the upcoming Medical Technology board) and I have to make the most of my time with them because I will surely miss the people who care and love for me the most. Even the solitude at home I will miss too. I have lots of plans laid out for this month and I cannot even start one due to many distractions which are really preventable. I know I have to start achieving them slowly but surely before time runs out because maybe I would never get the chance to do them again. In addition, I should not tire myself off especially with studying for the board exams because a healthy life comes only with balance. (This means I’ve got to go back jogging!) And lastly, I have a very fickle relationship with the Lord. At times, I lose sight of eternal life which is my primary goal in life due to the pleasures of the world. I get sidetracked most of the time and tend to lose focus on life’s essentials. It is high time to change that because I only got one life to live and I want it to give glory to God and bring goodness to man.
It is indeed refreshing to give myself an eye-opener. After all those years I’ve wasted, I believe it’s a precious opportunity to be in my place right now. And I thank God wholeheartedly for it! But beyond the gratitude, lies the utmost desire and the deepest determination to successfully change, to finally make the most out of life. Here’s to the fulfillment of these things!!