As my beloved city celebrates its annual Masskara festival, here I am, in the living room of our house, with no one but myself, wondering what’s going on at Lacson Street. Well, I really wanted to watch the Electric Masskara competition tonight but sadly, no one invited me or I just don;’t have anyone to with. Anyway, despite slight regrets, I realize that there’s a reason why I’m not there and I am here, typing this blog entry to express myself. And so, let me share briefly why I’m somehow glad I just stayed at home.
It just hit me that I wouldn’t want to be in a very crowded place with the state I am in. I know for sure that for the past few days or even weeks, I lost myself to the point that I don’t even know what I have become. Due to some circumstances and pitfalls, I feel so lifeless, inane and desperate. I don’t feel at peace and my life seems so tragic. I definitely need to fix myself ’cause it wouldn’t be great to do something fun or special when you’re at your worst. Who would want to walk the lively streets with a burden in his heart? Who would like to have a dessert in Calea when he feels eaten by life? Not me and I feel like I’m wearing the greatest mask to cover the true feelings within. But now, it’s high time to remove that.
Thank GOD for giving me the time to meditate and contemplate. After this writing, I shall go back to reinventing myself. Indeed, a moment of silence wherein I can connect with Heaven is just what I needed.